Some tricks are no treat
by PaisleyRose
Summary: An open letter to the Goblin King on his birthday... enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

_**Some tricks are no treat.**_

_**(An open letter from the Scribe to the Goblin King)**_

_**Disclaimer**_

_**You know the drill…**_

_**Not mine,**_

_**Belongs to **_

_**Henson and company**_

_**Theory of Relativity belongs **_

_**To Einstein**_

_**Goblins and other mystical creatures **_

_**Belong to**_

_**The High King and or Au Dadga**_

_**I'm just the Goblin King's scribe**_

_**I don't get paid**_

_**I don't get…oops**_

_**End of silly disclaimer**_

_**If you want the legal jargon**_

_**You must visit the Goblin Legal Department…**_

_***I wouldn't do that if I were you.***_

_**I mean it, don't go there!**_

_**#*#**_

_**To **__**Jareth Tuatha Dé Danann Huukec Mec, Warrior King of the Goblins;**_

_**Occasion; His birthday.**_

_**Greetings Sire, and warm salutations from your most humble servant and Scribe.**_

_**Allow me to extend to you my deepest heartfelt greetings and congratulations on this your birthday….**_

_**Now that the fancy stuff's outta the way; listen up bub, I've had it! That's right fairy boy, I've had it. I'm sick and tired of finding your stray goblins mucking about in my basement. It's getting harder and harder to convince my neighbors that they are exotic canines from the Far East! OH and I don't like to complain but who gave you permission to stick part of your bog in our sanitary district? Didn't that place smell bad enough? And why did you do this, just because we chose Peter Pan and Hook as our theme for Halloween? Come on Jareth! You're well over 1600 yrs old… act your age! This is the kind of silliness I'd expect from Puck. And don't think he's getting off easy either! I know you put him up to teaching our poodle to purr like a cat… Jareth that's sick that's what that is!**_

_**AS I told you at our last meeting, I didn't have a say in the theme being chosen. I was busy in your kingdom when the meeting was held to discuss this year's decorations. It's not my fault so why should I have to suffer? Just because your nose is outta joint? To paraphrase my good friend Sarah….IT'S NOT FAIR!**_

_**I think I've been a good sport up until now. When you turned the local crows into vultures I laughed… when you made the garbage cans dance down the street I thought it was a hoot… when you had bats perform a ballet on my front lawn I applauded… But when you start messing with my house and my family I draw the line. I want all the extra goblins gone… I know I'm stuck with your cousin the Hobgoblin who's been living in the oak in the back yard and refers to me as "Toots". I've asked him politely, I've railed at him, hell I even threatened him and all he does is wink at me… it's disturbing, just disturbing… but I can live with him. The rest of the little buggers have got to go back to you! The sooner the better! I want the sanitary district returned to its own state of stinkiness. I want my gnomes and gargoyles returned to their natural state, and I'm warning you buster, hands off the Scottish Goblin who came home from Faire with me…Don't you be giving him orders! He's mine, hear me you prancing tight panted fop~ he's mine. **_

_** OH and I want the shower returned to its former state as well… helping hands in the shower is more than I can cope with. Thoughtful and generous as the gesture was, I must decline.**_

_**I expect everything, and I mean everything to be set right by November the 1**__**st**__**, and if it's not you'll be hearing from The High King… that's right I'm not going to mess with goblin lawyers kiddo, I 'm going to your old man!**_

_**With warmest regards**_

_**You ever faithful servant, **_

_**PaisleyRose Goblin Court Scribe.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**To my Scribe:**_

_**My dear, thank you for your warm and tenderly rendered greetings; I am having a lovely birthday. The goblins have been generous enough to gift me with a few unexpected~ guests… I am only sorry you cannot be joining us today, pity…**_

_**Now my dear Paisley, much as I would love to accommodate you there are certain request I fear must go unanswered at this time. Is it my fault that some of the goblin community has a fond attachment to you and yours? I should think that you'd be~ elated and in seventh heaven that they are not on the offensive. As for your neighbors, I don't recall you ever worrying about what they think before…**_

_**The condition of your… what did you call it, ah yes, Sanitary District is not my doing. You can blame your fellow citizens for its condition. I assure you were my hand in it, it would be far worse than it is… **_

_**My cousin that Hobgoblin that seems to have developed a crush on you is your problem not mine. He is not a citizen of the Labyrinth and I won't be held accountable for his deeds, good or miss.**_

_**Your gargoyles and gnomes are having a bit of a holiday and helping my goblins to celebrate my birthday, (as a certain scribe should be doing… but is too busy with some fool boy in tights!) AS for that Scots Goblin MacFarten, you can have him! I don't want or need him.**_

_**Since you don't appreciate my thoughtful gift of the helping hands shower I shall take it back. But I warn you, I do this under duress…**_

_**I'll think about the rest once I've recovered from the party we are having here… that should be in a few months or so. Don't bother the old man, he'll be needing recovery time as well…**_

_**All my best,**_

_**Jareth**_


End file.
